Restored faith in humanity

Lindsi was out of town this week.  For the better part of 4 days, i was a single dad.  In times like these, there are certainly highs and lows.  For the most part, things went well, and the boys were great.  

I'm fortunate to have great friends that offer support during my "single dad" times. I received lots of love this week. 

Typically, when Lindsi is out of town, our diets turn to pizza and soda (beer for daddy).  This trip was no exception.  So tonight, on our last night without mom (Lindsi comes home later tonight), the boys requested Mama's Pizza...again.  

So, we made a deal.  If the boys would clean up the messy house while I took a quick shower, we would go to Mama's.  

The boys held up their end of the deal, and we were off. 

When we got there we soon realized that it was really crowded and crawling with older kids. I was a little concerned about my little guys, as several older boys were running amuck unsupervised.  They were loud and obnoxious. 

I got our food ordered and headed to the table.  

Griffin was eager to play the "clean sweep" game, but the older boys had taken it over. Griffin stood patiently in line,waiting his turn. The boys were aggressive and rude, and skipped Griffin in line.  I walked over to the machine and let the kids know that Griffin was next in line.  I think that they were a little surprised that I intervened.  I could feel my mood shifting as I was ready to confront the parents of the kids if they continued to monopolize the game and ignore others that were waiting.

We headed back to the table, and then, something awesome happened.  One of the older boys walked over to our table and handed Griffin a toy from the machine. We thanked him profusely. I wanted to give him a few extra quarters to play he game with, and Griffin wanted to deliver them.  The boy politely declined. About that time, one of our two pizzas arrived.  It happened to be mine.  We waited a few minutes and then I went to inquire about the other pizza. Apparently, the order taker failed to get the cheese pizza on the ticket.  The manager came out, apologized, and said he'd have a new pizza out for us soon.  I offered to pay for the new pizza, but, he refused.  We ate our pizzas, griffin played the game a few more times, and, we headed for the door. We stopped to get a few items out of the quarter machines, and, as the kids were choosing their toys, another older girl came up to Griffin and handed him another stuffed animal.  Unbelievable.  

What started as me being frustrated by rude kids ended with me having new found faith in a younger generation.  A great way to end the day.  

So...I bought a bike...

All of my life, I have played sports. I played soccer (in my opinion, a gateway sport), baseball, football, basketball, flag football, softball... In August 2004, my weekend warrior days came to a crashing halt as I laid on the floor in the Plano YMCA gym, waiting for the ambulance to get there. This time, torn quad tendon. Now, this was not my 1st knee injury. I was able to return to action after and ACL reconstruction in 1988. But, an 18 year old knee is quicker to heal than a 33 year old knee. So, for the next 7.5 years, I sat around, ate lots of bad food, drank a fair amount of beer, and gained weight. In my late 20's and early 30's, I maintained a weight of 200 - 210 lbs. By 2006, I was up to almost 240 lbs. Realizing that I felt like shit and needed to lose some of the weight, I began to eat better, but, still not much exercise. I was able to get my weight down to the 215 - 220 range, but, knew I needed to do more. So...I bought a bike. I bought my bike March 24, 2012. I went into the purchase a bit tentative, as I knew that I wanted to spend enough $ on the bike that it would not become a dusty fixture in my office, but, not so much that, in the event that cycling did not "stick", I would not be out thousands of dollars. After a fair amount of research, I purchased a Trek 7.2 FX Hybrid. It had be to ordered by the LBS (Local Bike Shop), because, it turns out that bikes for guys my height can be difficult to come by. First order of business...White Rock Lake. WRL is a 9.2 mile loop. I needed to determine 2 things: 1) could I even ride 9 miles without dying, and 2) how could I avoid being the reckless jack ass on the trail that was running over innocent joggers and such. The following Monday (3.26.12), Off to the lake I went. 41 minutes later, I completed my loop and was, in fact, alive. Off to a good start. Over the next 90 days, my distance and frequency of rides increased. As a matter of fact, last week, I logged over 200 miles on the bike. I am off cholesterol medication, am maintaining a weight of 190 - 195, and feel great. I have begun to price and research road bikes, as I suspect that I could log more miles and time on a lighter, more comfortable bike. I feel great, because, I bought a bike.

Ancora Imparo

Late in is life, Michelangelo began to inscribe "Ancora Imparo" next to many of his works. This Italian phrase translates to : "still I am learning". I find this phrase to be motivational, as, in the pursuit of continued knowledge and self betterment, we must all continue to learn. I suspect that when we stop learning, or, for that matter, desiring to learn, we begin to slowly fade away. So, if we assume that "conventional wisdom" is correct, the status quo is enough, or that what we already know is enough, we have stopped learning. I say, bring on the debates, the challenges to conventional wisdom, the unacceptance of the status quo. I am pleased that I will never have all of the answers, but, equally pleased that I will never run out of questions...


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

expectations as a consumer

I suspect that the weeks leading up to the holidays season have a tendency to illuminate good and bad customer experiences for any consumer. Most often, I must say, I'm am shocked by the lack of customer centric thinking by businesses as they seem to care little about the customer experience. Much of what I do professionally is based on creating good experiences for our members. We work hard to hire and train staff to create great experiences for members and participants, build and implement donor and stakeholder cultivation plans, and, in general, lead with member centric thinking. Why is it that, seemingly, other businesses ignore this thinking? Over the last several years, I have abandoned several companies due to this, and, will never give them business again. I returned from a frustrating experience at a store yesterday, and told my wife that in 2012 I would stop giving my business to that store. It seems to me that if I continue to patronize these businesses, I'm basically saying "it's okay for you to treat your customers this way...we will continue to support you because you are the biggest, or cheapest...". Quite simply, I'm out on that. I would rather pay more, drive farther, etc. to have experiences where I know that the customer is a priority. Will me taking my business from a big box store, a satellite TV provider, a bank, a restaurant or any other business make any difference to them? Will they even notice? No. That is not the point. The point is that I choose to support businesses and organizations that seem to care about the consumer. I choose to support businesses and organizations whose values and business practices align with mine. What do you choose?- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

understanding the why.

I attended a meeting in Chicago this week of some of the sharpest minds in our organization. How I made the invitee list, I have no clue. The meeting was meant to explore the concept of true scholarship and academic research for the leaders in our organization. The premise was that we have become very good at the "how" of our business, but there I the potential that we were not nourishing one's need to know "why". The "how" includes the tactics needed to conduct our day to day business. It includes fiscal management, staff development, facility management, financial development, and general administrative duties. In many cases, we have become quite adept at the how. The "why" includes the core values of the organization, the rationale in doing the work we do, and the community needs that we can intentionally meet through our efforts. People's inspiration is drawn from the why. In the meeting, the comment was made that "people that know how will always work for people that know why". A very true statement, I suspect, in most organizations. Those that understand the why can create vision for those that can accomplish the how. However, how much more impactful might an organization be if everyone understood the why? The process of helping everyone understand the why might be messy and time consuming. In some cases, the why might not be tangible or quantifiable. Explaining the why in such a way that people understand, embrace, and champion the why will take time and effort. What strategies might be used to educate a staff of thousands in a meaningful and effective way? Might it be possible as we onboard new staff to help them, at the point of entry, understand the why? Motivation can be created by performance reviews, metrics for success, salary increases, and fear of failure. Inspiration, however, is created by believing that the work that you do makes a significant impact. It is the thing that gets you out of bed every morning excited about the day. So, how much more meaningful would the work be for all if they understood the why? How much more impactful would the organization be? So...where do we start?

The Journey Continues...

In late September, I posted a new entry to this blog detailing the search for my birth mother. Since that time, a few things have developed. Through the power of the internet (mostly Facebook), I have since had the pleasure of meeting all of the family members on my birth father's side, and many of the family members on my birth mother's side.

As I mentioned in the September post, the initial motivation behind seeking out my birth mother was simply to gather information...specifically, medical history.

Over the past several months, I have had the pleasure of spending time with all of my newly found aunts, uncles, and cousins on my birth father's side of the family. The Read family has been kind, welcoming, and supportive. My newly found aunts, uncles, and cousins have welcomed us kindly into their homes and lives. My sons have even found some new playmates.

I had the pleasure of meeting two of my birth mother's siblings last night, and they, too, were kind and supportive. I look forward to spending more time with them soon.

What started has only a quest for information has evolved into much more. I am truly grateful for everyone's openness to contact, willingness to share, and support of this process. It has been a truly great experience...

40 year reunion

As some of you may know, I was adopted at birth. Being adopted is certainly not a bad thing. I was adopted by a family that offered much love, support, and guidance to me. We lived in a middle class neighborhood, I was able to attend a private school for many years, and, although we were not the wealthiest family around, I never felt deprived. My dad was my coach in most of my youth sports leagues, and he helped me understand the importance of effort and drive. My sports career started at the local Y, and, I now understand that the memories that I have of those games helped shaped who I have become. Those Y games soon turned into high school, AAU and ultimately, college games.

My mom was (and still is), a caring, compassionate woman. She too supported me as I grew and matured. I vividly remember the day that I realized that I had grown taller than her...in the 3rd grade. I was upset. Being taller than your parent at such a young age is strange. However, what my mom lacked in height, she made up for in spirit.

I cannot remember when I was told that I was adopted, but I believe that it was at a fairly young age. The only thing that seemed "off" about my place in the family was my height. I grew to be much taller than my mom, sister, and dad at a fairly young age. I reached the 6' mark by 7th grade, 6'4" by the 8th grade, 6'6" by the end of high school, and finally, 6'7". Family pictures were comical, as no one else in the family topped 5'10".

I never felt compelled to find my birth parents for a few reasons. As mentioned above, I had a pretty good life, and felt no "void" that needed to be filled. I also knew that my birth parents were very young when I was born. I suspected that they did not end up together. I had no interest in disrupting their lives as adults.

My sister (also adopted) felt differently. She sought out her birth family some years ago. She developed good relationships with her birth mother and siblings. She maintains many of those relationships presently. But, that just wasn't of interest to me.

My wife and I welcomed our 1st son, Griffin, into the world in June 2008. Griffin's arrival led me to many questions about my family's health history. All of my life, I really have had no clue about health history, or, for that matter, ancestry and origins. I realized that I needed more information if I was going to be able to adequately parent my son. I wanted to know if he might be predisposed to any health issues that we could pro-actively guard against. I decided that it was time to gather more information.

In Texas, the adoption laws dictate how birth parents and children are able to connect. If both parties sign the adoption registry, the adoption agency will make the connection, but will only allow limited contact. The agency will provide each party the first name and location (state only) of the other party. If each party wants to communicate, it must be done through the agency. So, I signed the registry, and waited. I received a letter shortly after signing that informed me that my birth-mother's name was Sheryl, and her last known address was in Oregon. Clearly, this was not enough information to allow me to search on my own. So, in November 2008, after 38 years, I wrote a letter.

The letter was fairly straight forward. It mentioned all of what I have mentioned above, and that I was interested only in gathering information. I wanted Sheryl to know that I certainly did not want to disrupt her life. The better part of a year passed, and I received no response. I made a call to the adoption agency and was told that my letter had been returned due to a bad address. Frustrating.

In the Spring of this year, I received a letter. It seems that my birth-mother updated her address with the agency, and finally received my letter. The letters were all edited by the agency so as to not allow for identifying information. If both parties agree to make a face to face connection, a counseling session is required. Sherry and I traded a few letters, and I was learning quite a bit, including the fact that I have a half-brother, 3 years younger. On June 8, I received another letter from Sherry. This letter contained some info that was different. Sherry mentioned in the letter that I had an uncle that was a Pulitzer Prize winning composer. I didn't think much of it, by my wife and her sister did. My sister-in-law began google searching Pulitzer Prize composers, and found this: www.stevenstucky.com. Once she saw his photo, we knew we were onto something. I now had a last name. I googled Sherry Stucky, and, bingo. I found a Facebook page. The profile picture on the page matched a photo that she sent me in the previous day's letter.

I called my wife and simply said: "I found her". Now what? I had a day full of meetings that day, so was unable to make contact. When I returned home that evening, I pulled up the Facebook page and pondered the next step. Sherry's page would not allow for a message to be sent to her or for much of her content to be seen. However, 1 important piece of info was visible: Children: (my half brother), 36 years, Derek, 39 years. So, again, what now? Do I "friend request" my birth-mother????? My wife and I talked about it, and finally, after some coaxing, I did it. A short time later, my blackberry buzzes...friend request accepted. I went to the computer, and there she was. We chatted online for a short time, and then talked via phone for 90 minutes. Over the next few weeks, we talked and emailed quite a bit, sharing photos, her family tree, etc. She shared with me that my biological father passed away a few years ago, but she made contact with his brother, which allowed for some information sharing from that side of the family. I have had quite a bit of contact with my biological father's siblings and their kids. Most of this has happened via facebook.

After quite a bit of interaction, for a few reasons, we decided that we would, in fact, meet face to face. So, I began the process of planning a trip. I am pleased to report that I am typing this on the plane on the way back from that trip. I spent a couple of days in Oregon this week meeting Sherry, my biological half-brother, and his family. It was a great experience. My visit allowed enough time to visit, share stories and photos, have a few meals, and even skype with my two boys. What started out as only a quest for information has turned into a good experience.

My wife, boys, and I are scheduled to have dinner with a few of the family members on my biological father's side next weekend. I am very appreciative of everyone's willingness to share information and openness to contact.

My mom has been really great through all of this. She has been supportive and has provided input and guidance, as she has been through this process before with my sister. I have done my best to be sensitive to her feelings and respectful of her. I hope that I have succeeded.

Well, we have started our descent into DFW. Time for me to turn off the blackberry and go home to my loving wife and kids. I am excited that they now have a few more folks that they can call "family".