40 year reunion

As some of you may know, I was adopted at birth. Being adopted is certainly not a bad thing. I was adopted by a family that offered much love, support, and guidance to me. We lived in a middle class neighborhood, I was able to attend a private school for many years, and, although we were not the wealthiest family around, I never felt deprived. My dad was my coach in most of my youth sports leagues, and he helped me understand the importance of effort and drive. My sports career started at the local Y, and, I now understand that the memories that I have of those games helped shaped who I have become. Those Y games soon turned into high school, AAU and ultimately, college games.

My mom was (and still is), a caring, compassionate woman. She too supported me as I grew and matured. I vividly remember the day that I realized that I had grown taller than her...in the 3rd grade. I was upset. Being taller than your parent at such a young age is strange. However, what my mom lacked in height, she made up for in spirit.

I cannot remember when I was told that I was adopted, but I believe that it was at a fairly young age. The only thing that seemed "off" about my place in the family was my height. I grew to be much taller than my mom, sister, and dad at a fairly young age. I reached the 6' mark by 7th grade, 6'4" by the 8th grade, 6'6" by the end of high school, and finally, 6'7". Family pictures were comical, as no one else in the family topped 5'10".

I never felt compelled to find my birth parents for a few reasons. As mentioned above, I had a pretty good life, and felt no "void" that needed to be filled. I also knew that my birth parents were very young when I was born. I suspected that they did not end up together. I had no interest in disrupting their lives as adults.

My sister (also adopted) felt differently. She sought out her birth family some years ago. She developed good relationships with her birth mother and siblings. She maintains many of those relationships presently. But, that just wasn't of interest to me.

My wife and I welcomed our 1st son, Griffin, into the world in June 2008. Griffin's arrival led me to many questions about my family's health history. All of my life, I really have had no clue about health history, or, for that matter, ancestry and origins. I realized that I needed more information if I was going to be able to adequately parent my son. I wanted to know if he might be predisposed to any health issues that we could pro-actively guard against. I decided that it was time to gather more information.

In Texas, the adoption laws dictate how birth parents and children are able to connect. If both parties sign the adoption registry, the adoption agency will make the connection, but will only allow limited contact. The agency will provide each party the first name and location (state only) of the other party. If each party wants to communicate, it must be done through the agency. So, I signed the registry, and waited. I received a letter shortly after signing that informed me that my birth-mother's name was Sheryl, and her last known address was in Oregon. Clearly, this was not enough information to allow me to search on my own. So, in November 2008, after 38 years, I wrote a letter.

The letter was fairly straight forward. It mentioned all of what I have mentioned above, and that I was interested only in gathering information. I wanted Sheryl to know that I certainly did not want to disrupt her life. The better part of a year passed, and I received no response. I made a call to the adoption agency and was told that my letter had been returned due to a bad address. Frustrating.

In the Spring of this year, I received a letter. It seems that my birth-mother updated her address with the agency, and finally received my letter. The letters were all edited by the agency so as to not allow for identifying information. If both parties agree to make a face to face connection, a counseling session is required. Sherry and I traded a few letters, and I was learning quite a bit, including the fact that I have a half-brother, 3 years younger. On June 8, I received another letter from Sherry. This letter contained some info that was different. Sherry mentioned in the letter that I had an uncle that was a Pulitzer Prize winning composer. I didn't think much of it, by my wife and her sister did. My sister-in-law began google searching Pulitzer Prize composers, and found this: www.stevenstucky.com. Once she saw his photo, we knew we were onto something. I now had a last name. I googled Sherry Stucky, and, bingo. I found a Facebook page. The profile picture on the page matched a photo that she sent me in the previous day's letter.

I called my wife and simply said: "I found her". Now what? I had a day full of meetings that day, so was unable to make contact. When I returned home that evening, I pulled up the Facebook page and pondered the next step. Sherry's page would not allow for a message to be sent to her or for much of her content to be seen. However, 1 important piece of info was visible: Children: (my half brother), 36 years, Derek, 39 years. So, again, what now? Do I "friend request" my birth-mother????? My wife and I talked about it, and finally, after some coaxing, I did it. A short time later, my blackberry buzzes...friend request accepted. I went to the computer, and there she was. We chatted online for a short time, and then talked via phone for 90 minutes. Over the next few weeks, we talked and emailed quite a bit, sharing photos, her family tree, etc. She shared with me that my biological father passed away a few years ago, but she made contact with his brother, which allowed for some information sharing from that side of the family. I have had quite a bit of contact with my biological father's siblings and their kids. Most of this has happened via facebook.

After quite a bit of interaction, for a few reasons, we decided that we would, in fact, meet face to face. So, I began the process of planning a trip. I am pleased to report that I am typing this on the plane on the way back from that trip. I spent a couple of days in Oregon this week meeting Sherry, my biological half-brother, and his family. It was a great experience. My visit allowed enough time to visit, share stories and photos, have a few meals, and even skype with my two boys. What started out as only a quest for information has turned into a good experience.

My wife, boys, and I are scheduled to have dinner with a few of the family members on my biological father's side next weekend. I am very appreciative of everyone's willingness to share information and openness to contact.

My mom has been really great through all of this. She has been supportive and has provided input and guidance, as she has been through this process before with my sister. I have done my best to be sensitive to her feelings and respectful of her. I hope that I have succeeded.

Well, we have started our descent into DFW. Time for me to turn off the blackberry and go home to my loving wife and kids. I am excited that they now have a few more folks that they can call "family".